You should have seen the looks I was getting as I was doing the not so happy dance around that huge foyer at Mercy Hospital. 3 lifetimes later, I’m on a plastic chair in a storage / exam room. The gyrations in pain and positions to get free from pain were endless. Finally, pain meds! “Ok, here this should help, just give it a few minutes.” The fist I had clenched wouldn’t release for like 20 minutes. When it did, it was just in time to start puking. Apparently Delauded and I don’t agree on things. Time was a blurr at this point and before you knew it I was off for more tests or scans or something. Room 604 is where we landed. I was in a bed but comfort was not to be had. Surging pain kept my toes curled under the blankets. The staff was great. Jenn got her own set-up right next to my bed. As our eyes started to drift into a sub-conscious sleep, the docs slid in and explained the upcoming harvest of my right kidney. The tumor on top of my kidney was almost 7 cm and he had a buddy. The smaller on the bottom was a mere 1.3 cm. The best course of action was to remove the entire kidney and hope the cancer stays encapsulated. Everyone had a spare kidney so this was no big deal.
Get that sucker out of there before it does any more damage and lay off the protein and potassium intake to keep the other kidney happy. Easy Peasy.

I get why they starve you before a surgery. It doesn’t make it any easier when the schedule gets screwed up and now you’re pre-hangry entering the bitchy, I haven’t eaten in like 18 hours, zone. You that part of the hospital story where people complain about not getting rest, the nurses sticking you every time you fall a sleep…. yeah this is that part. 3am was announced by the sound of gurney wheels being guided into the window space next to me. The guy reminded me of Senior from Orange County Choppers. Thank goodness we all have a reason to be here now, he loudly but unconsciously let us all know that he was here. He was here because they changed up his meds. The bad food, smoking and sleeping on the couch had nothing to do with anything.

I was miserable. Jenn was steadfast and kept me in line.

Her smiling face filled my view finder as the wheels on my gurney were finally in motion. Blue, all I remember about the room, the stuff, the clothes, everything was blue in the staging area. It was cold and quite and blue. The gas doctor came by to give me his play by play and prime me up with something or other. My head nodded back awake from a brief snooze. Still quite, still cold and yes still blue. The next time I saw Jenn’s face was through spastic flurries of eye opening and pain.

The recovery room wasn’t my best. The pain was pretty intense and I was under anesthesia for a while. Waking up was hard to do. Groaning and moaning, I asked if I was being pussy of it this was normal. Jenn told me I was being a pussy and to knock it off.

Who knew farting could be such a bench mark. Once I could eat, pee and yes, fart, I could get my ass out of there. They were actually pushing me to get out. After 4 days and a harvested kidney, we were checking out of the Honeymoon Suite at Mercy.

2 Days later we were in East Aurora at the Borderland Music Festival.